Ruined Everything
by Vievin
Summary: Bart has a nightmare, so he visits Wally's memorial to talk to him. However, unbeknownst to him Artemis also decides to go to the Watchtower.


_Bart was standing in the debriefing room of Mount Justice, next to Wally, both of them wearing the Kid Flash uniform. Artemis, in her Tigress uniform, was standing in front of them, pointing at a holo-screen._

 _"Your next mission will be on the North Pole. You have to stop a Reach machine gone chrysalis." Bart's eyes widened._

 _"But Artemis, you can't do this! You know Wally is slower than us... The kinetic energy... He'll die!" Artemis just looked at him with cold, dead eyes._

 _"Impulse, Kid Flash is already dead." Looking at his side, Bart realized with a start that Wally was gone. As if he'd never been there. "And he's dead because of you."_

 _"No, it isn't true!" he gasped out, his chest constricting. He suddenly felt lightheaded, and couldn't breathe, sucking in quick, shallow gasps._

 _"Yes it is." Artemis' mask-covered eyes bore into him with piercing hatred. "You knew he wouldn't be able to keep up. But you didn't slow down. And look at yourself, wearing his uniform! Have you no shame? You stole my lover and you're flaunting around in his clothes!" Tears prickled Bart's eyes, the debriefing room going blurry; whether from the tears or from the lack of oxygen, he wasn't sure._

 _"He... He told me..." Artemis stepped forward, and the scene shifted. He was standing in a scrapyard, chainlink fences cutting into the scenery. Ash shifted beneath his feet as he looked up, but Artemis had disappeared and Blue Beetle stood in her place. The bigger and crueler version from the future he'd grown up as a slave in. Bart froze in terror as Blue Beetle grinned at him._

 _"Why did you go back to the past?" Bart opened his mouth, but the words were caught in the lump in his throat that had been there ever since he'd seen Wally fade into nothing. "It was your fault that Kid Flash died. The real Kid Flash, not the cheap replica you are. You ruined everything!" Suddenly he was surrounded by Artemis, Dick, Kaldur'ahm, M'gann, Conner, Barry, Jay and Joan Garrick and Wally himself, still in his Kid Flash uniform._

 _"You ruined everything!" they screamed in unison, the words echoing around. Bart curled up on himself, feeling Blue Beetle's whip on himself, and could only whimper for mercy._

 _"You ruined everything!" Wally's voice stood out and Bart looked up into his emerald green eyes._ You don't have the Allen family eyes _, his own words echoed in his head. It turn out Bart was the one who didn't belong all along. Wally just looked at him with contempt, as if watching a worthless slave being beaten back to his place._

 _I ruined everything..._

Bart shot up in his bed, his heart still racing, as he stared into the darkness. A plea died on his lips - who was he to ask for mercy anyways - as he recognized his surroundings. His room at the Garricks. He released a slow breath, trying to calm himself. It was just a dream, he wasn't back in the future.

But it didn't make what Artemis and the others had said any less true. He killed Wally. He felt the familiar lump form in his throat, blocking the tears that had been building up for months after the North Pole. With a sigh, he kicked off the covers and suited up - in the Kid Flash uniform, ill-fitting, unfamiliar, unworthy - heading for the nearest Zeta tube. When he had a nightmare about Wally's death, he always felt compelled to go to his memorial, to confess his sins to the hologram, although if anything, it made him feel worse. Not like he deserved relief anyways.

He was glad most Justice League members were American, they were sound asleep at two in the morning. Nobody has caught him going to the Watchtower, but not like it was not allowed or anything. He knew the route from the entrance to the memorial garden all too well, his feet carried him automatically to Wally's hologram. Standing before his predecessor, the first - the true - Kid Flash always made him feel smaller than he was, the emerald eyes looking straight at him invoked a memory of his own dream. _You ruined everything._

"I ruined everything," he spoke up, not even bothering to look around. It was two in the morning, who else could be at the Watchtower so early? He gazed at his own feet, clad in yellow, not red. "I'm sorry, Wally. Then I first arrived here, I was... overjoyed to see grandpa and grandma and you alive. Of course, being me, I annoyed the hell out of both of you." He let out a bitter chuckle. He still remembered that day: the last touches on the time machine, saying his goodbye to Nathaniel, the crushing anxiety of pushing that button that took him forty years into the past. The relief of having arrived safely, the false happiness of his new Impulse persona, the freedom of being able to run. It had been almost a year, but sometimes he still had trouble remembering he was allowed to use his superspeed, he wasn't wearing an inhibitor collar anymore, he was... free. He sighed.

"I researched you so much," he continued. "In the future. There was an old tape, back at the Resistance base, about you. I watched it every day. I adored you. Heck, I even modeled my Impulse persona off of you! Of course that ended up changing nothing. You hated me, and rightfully so." He almost choked on the lump in his throat as he looked Wally in the eyes. That smile wasn't for him, it was for everyone else.

"I knew that you were slower than other speedsters. I also knew about the kinetic energy. I should have known it will... kill you." He swallowed, wrapping his arms around himself. He still remembered the first hug he'd given Wally, and how his cousin pushed him away. He should have understood it then. "I guess I was so caught up in the moment, I forgot. I cost you your life. I'm sorry." His breathing hitched, but the tears wouldn't come. He felt like he was drowning.

"It's all my fault. If I hadn't come back... Maybe you would still wear this uniform, not me. Suits you much better anyways." A choking laugh escaped his lips. "I'm sure if you saw me now, you would be disgusted. I'm not like you, Wally. I'm not strong, or brave, or even funny. I'm just..." A dumb, worthless slave who thought he could finally meet his family, but killed one instead. It finally became too much for him and he collapsed onto his knees, staring at Wally's unwavering smile.

"I'm sorry!" he wailed, finding himself unable to breathe. His eyes blurred as if he was underwater, but they remained dry. "You- you can't be here anymore because I killed you! You have grandpa, and the Garricks, Artemis, they all loved you! I... I have nobody. I am nothing." He averted his eyes, unable to meet his holographic cousin's eye as he knelt at his feet. He had learnt this early in life. He was nothing, worth nothing, meant to be _nothing_.

"I'm sure if they had the opportunity, they would happily trade your death for mine. I would. They probably hate me, too. I do." He chuckled again, but there was no mirth in his voice. He felt like drowning again, gasping for breath and clawing at the ground, eyes squeezed shut to block out the vision of Wally staring at him with piercing hatred in his eyes. He collapsed again, curling in on himself. "I'm sorry. I ruined everything."

* * *

Artemis sighed as he stepped out of the Zeta tube to the Watchtower. She couldn't sleep in Wally's and her shared home, too anxious in anticipation to hear the floorboards creaking under his footsteps, the rustling of the sheets as he slid into bed next to her, his touch on her back as he embraced her. It was making her mad, so she figured she could take a walk in the Watchtower. The sight of Earth and the stars - much clearer from outer space than Gotham - always calmed her. However, as she walked towards one of the gardens, he heard a faint voice speaking. Who could be here in this ungodly hour?

As she crept towards the memorial garden, she caught sight of Bart, the new Kid Flash standing in front of Wally's holographic statue. He appeared to be speaking too, but she couldn't make out the words at this distance. As Artemis stalked closer, her eyebrows furrowed. She knew she wasn't the only one mourning Wally's death, and she knew Bart had taken it hard. They only really met on missions, since Bart seemed to avoid her, and he was uncharacteristically withdrawn and quiet when they did, to the point Artemis was actually concerned. What could he be doing here at half past two in the morning? She ducked behind a hologram once in earshot, but it didn't seem necessary as Bart was too absorbed to take in his surroundings. He was wearing his Kid Flash uniform, standing there unsteadily, hugging himself. He was looking into Wally's eyes, dark bags under his own.

"It's all my fault. If I hadn't come back... Maybe you would still wear this uniform, not me. Suits you much better anyways. I'm sure if you saw me now, you would be disgusted." Artemis soundlessly gasped. She had never thought in her wildest dreams that Bart would blame himself for Wally's death. Why would he? It made no sense. Still, out of a morbid curiousity, she remained in place. "I'm not like you, Wally. I'm not strong, brave or even funny. I'm just..." He sank down to the grass, arms hanging at his side limply as he stared at Wally.

"I'm sorry!" he cried out, his breathing heavy as if he was crying, but Artemis saw no tears, just an expression of pure pain that made her want to run up to him and cradle the boy in his arms. "You- you can't be here anymore because I killed you! You have grandpa, and the Garricks, Artemis, they all loved you! I... I have nobody. I am nothing." Artemis felt her eyes grow wet as he watched. No kid should feel like that. She stood up, but remained in place, hesitating. She felt like she was intruding, she wasn't meant to hear this. Still, Artemis' heart sank at the hateful words Bart directed at himself. "I'm sure if they had the opportunity, they would happily trade your death for mine. I would. They probably hate me too. I do." The dark chuckle he let out sent a shiver up Artemis' spine. She could never imagine the usually happy-go-lucky Bart speaking like this, so full of self-loathing and grief. "I'm sorry. I ruined everything."

Artemis' eyes widened and she decided she'd had enough. She almost ran to the curled up boy, although he didn't seem to notice him. When she knelt down and put a hand on his shoulder, Bart visibly jumped and turned towards her faster than any human could. His eyes were wide and filled with terror. Artemis didn't need to be a telepath to know what he was thinking. _How much did she hear?_

" _Stop_ ," she said sternly. Bart flinched and quickly put on a smile, but his chest was still heaving with dry half-sobs.

"H-Hey Artemis," he said, trying to sound cheerful. "What a-are you doing here? It's the middle of the night." Artemis just sighed internally. Why are all speedsters so focused on avoiding their problems? Although, with feet as fast as theirs, flight would always win over fight. She put on what she wanted to be a gentle smile as she reached out with her other hand, holding both of Bart's shoulders now.

"Don't change the topic. I heard what you said, and..." She was at a loss of words momentarily. How was she supposed to respond to a situation like this? "You cannot think like this. Wally's death was not your fault. He decided to sacrifice himself, and we should all honour him."

"I-I should have known..." Bart croaked, not meeting her gaze, staring at his hands instead, lying in his lap. "I should have known he wouldn't- wouldn't be able to keep up. If I had slowed down..." Artemis squeezed his shoulders, earning a wince.

"Then the vortex wouldn't have stopped, and we would all be dead. You saved the world together. And I'm still extremely proud of him, for sacrificing himself. And of you too, you hear it?" Bart's chest heaved harder, and he sounded like he was choking. His eyes were still dry.

"Why-why don't you hate me?" he gasped, looking up finally. His eyes were filled with such sorrow and guilt that Artemis teared up. She wanted nothing more than to hug Bart tightly, so tightly his broken pieces would stick back together. And that's what she did, pulling the boy into an embrace, feeling a thin stream of tears flow down her cheeks. Maybe he wasn't the only one needing a hug tonight.

"I would never hate you, Bart. You're family, and no matter what he might have said, Wally loved you too." Bart couldn't help but let out a high-pitched whine at the words, finally breaking down. He felt the lump dissolve in his throat as he sank into the embrace, burying his face in Artemis' shoulder and grasping her shirt like it was his lifeline. He wailed as he felt the long pent-up tears soak Artemis' shoulder, but the woman didn't seem to care. She whispered soothing words into his ear that he didn't care to comprehend, relief and a healing sorrow drowning out everything. For the first time since Wally died, he wasn't feeling hollow, like nothing, like worse.

Artemis rocked the sobbing boy back and forth, rubbing circles on his back and not holding back her own tears. Looking up at Wally's hologram above them, she couldn't help but feel like he was smiling for both of them.

"It's gonna be alright," she cooed, trying to convince herself as much as Bart. They will be alright someday, right? Slowly, the boy's shoulders stopped shaking and his sobs subsided. Her tears started to dry up, too. She had cried many times before, sometimes on her own, sometimes on her friends' shoulders, but it seemed like Bart had just been bottling it up until it became too much.

"I want Wally back," he whimpered, hands still entangled in her now-soaked shirt. She sighed, gently stroking his head.

"I know, Bart. I want him back too. But he's not here anymore..." Fresh sobs tore through Bart, but they seemed almost calm, nothing like the heartbreaking wails from before. "And he would want us to live. To honour his memory by being happy and saving the world that he sacrificed himself for." They remained like this for a while until Bart felt himself nodding off. This wasn't his first time here this week, and coupled with the nightmares, he hadn't been getting much sleep lately. Here, in Artemis' arms, he felt strangely at peace and sleep was calling to him.

"Why did you come here in the middle of the night?" Artemis asked, noticing. Bart shrugged, struggling to keep his eyes open.

"Nightmare," he said simply. Artemis continued stroking his hair.

"You should go home. The Garricks will be worried if they find you missing." Bart shook his head.

"Don't wanna go back," he said drowsily. Artemis half-smiled and suppressed a yawn of her own. She could use some extra sleep too.

"Then sleep here," she said, surprising herself. "I'll stay with you." Bart pulled away for a moment to look into her eyes. His eyes were red and his cheeks puffed and tear-stained, but he had a small, genuine smile.

"Thank you, Artemis," he croaked. Artemis just chuckled while pulling him in her lap.

"You're family. Never forget that." As she watched Bart slowly fall asleep, she felt a strange sense of peace. She felt as if comforting Bart fixed something, he fixed something in her. She knew Wally wouldn't come back, but she felt like a part of him was still here, with his family. And as she closed her eyes, she felt a smile on her face. I love you, Wally.

* * *

"You've got to see this," Nightwing whispered to Barry. He looked up, confused. What would be more important than his morning coffee? He reluctantly stood up and followed Nightwing out... to the memorial garden? He studied the young man's face as they walked out. It was hard to tell with the mask, but it looked like Nightwing was happy. Barry followed his eyes as they stopped and he almost choked on his coffee.

In the memorial garden, before Wally West's hologram, were two sleeping figures. Artemis was kneeling in the grass with a smile on her face, and in her lap laid Bart. His cheeks were stained with tears, but he looked peaceful. Barry sighed, a smile tugging at his own lips. To be honest, he'd been concerned about Bart. Ever since Wally ceased, he'd spiraled into depression, and according to the Garricks he'd been having nightmares multiple times a week, sometimes slipping out of the house in the middle of the night. Seeing him with Artemis, sleeping peacefully made his heart easy.

"They'll be alright," he said quietly and Nightwing nodded beside him, crossing his arms in what was definitely a smile.

"In time, yes. They will fix everything."


End file.
